Finding Hope in The Storm
As I reflect back on the past few weeks, I have found myself helpless. As a parent we want to make things better for our kids. We want to take away anything that is causing them pain, doubt, fear, and the list goes on. For sometime I have always known deep down that my youngest was not what the world classify as your average kid. I have known that there was more to him that I could ever imagine. I always thought I was prepared to hear any news, that I could handle whatever life throws our way. What I quickly realized is that I was anything but prepared.
I have quickly realized that he is resilient, that he sees life in away I wish I could see life. He is quick to forgive when he is bullied because other kids do not understand is awkward social skills. That he has heart bigger then anyone I know. He a smile that is infectious. Yes he has some obstacles to overcome, and I know that God blessed me with him, because growing up I had my own obstacles. I never imagined in a million years that I would be the mom of a child with special needs. Granted I am lucky in the aspect that so many parents have it so much harder then I could ever imagine, it still does not take away the pain in my heart. It still does not take away the questions that I ask over and over in my mind of how I missed it or over looked it for so long.
Tonight I realized that instead of feeling defeated I have to teach my son to be strong through the storm. I have to be patient with him. I have to love him for him. Something I have always done. I am lucky that we know what we have to overcome, and what we have to tackle head on. Knowing that your child has mild autism, and many other things are just that, things. It is my job as his mother to stand up for him when he cant. To teach him to be strong and to not quit. To teach him that even though the world may see him one way, I see him as kid, who someday will be able to look back at these years as years that made him strong. I refuse to allow him to give up, to be bullied for something he didn't ask for. I refuse to let him think he is anything but great, special, smart and amazing.
He is the extremely outgoing child, who is up in everyone’s
space. He struggles with making friends with his peers, due to saying what most people only think and getting in people’s personal space. But adults, most often, absolutely love him, but there are those occasional adults, who don’t “get him” and get very offended, because he
looks so “normal”
He is extremely happy and has such a zest for life and so much passion.
I chose to Focus and build on what he can do rather than what he can’t do.
Like any person, he can’t learn in an environment where he is constantly made to feel that he is not good enough and that he need fixing. He may avoid trying anything new when he is sure all he will get is criticism, no matter how “constructive” you think you’re being. Look for his strengths and you will find them. There is more than one right way to do most things.
Meltdowns and blow-ups are more horrid for him than they are for me. They occur because one or more of his senses has gone into overload, or because he has been pushed past the limit of his social abilities. If you can figure out why his meltdowns occur, they can be prevented. Keep a log noting times, settings, people, and activities. A pattern may emerge.
Remember that everything he does is a form of communication. It tells you, when his words cannot, how he is reacting to what is happening around him . His behavior may have a physical cause. Food allergies and sensitivities sleep problems and gastrointestinal problems can all affect his behavior. Look for signs, because he may not be able to tell me about these things.
Throw away thoughts like, “If you would just—” and “Why can’t you—?” You didn’t fulfill every expectation your parents had for you and you wouldn’t like being constantly reminded of it. He didn’t choose to have autism. Remember that it’s happening to him, not me. Without my support, his chances of growing up to be successful and independent are slim. With my support and guidance, the possibilities are broader than anyone might think.
Three words we all need to live by: Patience. Patience. Patience.
View his autism as a different ability rather than a disability. Look past what we may see as limitations and see his strengths. He may not be good at eye contact or conversation, but have you noticed that he doesn't cheat at games, or pass judgment on other people?
He rely on me. All that he might become won’t happen without me as his foundation. Be his advocate, be his guide, love him for who he is and we’ll see how far he can go.
The difference is that people with classic autism refrain from engaging in social situations, but mildly autistic people will seek social activities and want make friends with others. The challenge is that they just may not know how to do it.
I have quickly realized that he is resilient, that he sees life in away I wish I could see life. He is quick to forgive when he is bullied because other kids do not understand is awkward social skills. That he has heart bigger then anyone I know. He a smile that is infectious. Yes he has some obstacles to overcome, and I know that God blessed me with him, because growing up I had my own obstacles. I never imagined in a million years that I would be the mom of a child with special needs. Granted I am lucky in the aspect that so many parents have it so much harder then I could ever imagine, it still does not take away the pain in my heart. It still does not take away the questions that I ask over and over in my mind of how I missed it or over looked it for so long.
Tonight I realized that instead of feeling defeated I have to teach my son to be strong through the storm. I have to be patient with him. I have to love him for him. Something I have always done. I am lucky that we know what we have to overcome, and what we have to tackle head on. Knowing that your child has mild autism, and many other things are just that, things. It is my job as his mother to stand up for him when he cant. To teach him to be strong and to not quit. To teach him that even though the world may see him one way, I see him as kid, who someday will be able to look back at these years as years that made him strong. I refuse to allow him to give up, to be bullied for something he didn't ask for. I refuse to let him think he is anything but great, special, smart and amazing.
He is the extremely outgoing child, who is up in everyone’s
space. He struggles with making friends with his peers, due to saying what most people only think and getting in people’s personal space. But adults, most often, absolutely love him, but there are those occasional adults, who don’t “get him” and get very offended, because he
looks so “normal”
He is extremely happy and has such a zest for life and so much passion.
I chose to Focus and build on what he can do rather than what he can’t do.
Like any person, he can’t learn in an environment where he is constantly made to feel that he is not good enough and that he need fixing. He may avoid trying anything new when he is sure all he will get is criticism, no matter how “constructive” you think you’re being. Look for his strengths and you will find them. There is more than one right way to do most things.
Meltdowns and blow-ups are more horrid for him than they are for me. They occur because one or more of his senses has gone into overload, or because he has been pushed past the limit of his social abilities. If you can figure out why his meltdowns occur, they can be prevented. Keep a log noting times, settings, people, and activities. A pattern may emerge.
Remember that everything he does is a form of communication. It tells you, when his words cannot, how he is reacting to what is happening around him . His behavior may have a physical cause. Food allergies and sensitivities sleep problems and gastrointestinal problems can all affect his behavior. Look for signs, because he may not be able to tell me about these things.
Throw away thoughts like, “If you would just—” and “Why can’t you—?” You didn’t fulfill every expectation your parents had for you and you wouldn’t like being constantly reminded of it. He didn’t choose to have autism. Remember that it’s happening to him, not me. Without my support, his chances of growing up to be successful and independent are slim. With my support and guidance, the possibilities are broader than anyone might think.
Three words we all need to live by: Patience. Patience. Patience.
View his autism as a different ability rather than a disability. Look past what we may see as limitations and see his strengths. He may not be good at eye contact or conversation, but have you noticed that he doesn't cheat at games, or pass judgment on other people?
He rely on me. All that he might become won’t happen without me as his foundation. Be his advocate, be his guide, love him for who he is and we’ll see how far he can go.
The difference is that people with classic autism refrain from engaging in social situations, but mildly autistic people will seek social activities and want make friends with others. The challenge is that they just may not know how to do it.
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